The Daddy Project

Week 34 - Growing Pains

2012-01-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

The Car Seat Dilemma

We learned a difficult lesson this past week: Like oil & water, ejector seats & helicopters, and Keanu Reeves & acting, some things just don't mix. We can now add car seats and sporty little cars.

We bought our Mazda 3 in 2010, and though that since it had 4 doors, we would be fine when it came to having kids. That, of course, was before we found out that a car seat was the length of a luxury cruise liner, and the only way we could fit one in the back would be to have Tracy's knees cuddling with the dashboard. I knew that wasn't acceptable, especially if we had a front impact. The airbag would rearrange her face into a Picasso painting.

We thought about maybe just dealing with it for a few months until Cayden grew out of the car seat, but then we very well could have another one on the way, and we'd be right back where we were before. We knew that since our family was growing, we needed a vehicle that could grow with us. So, we said goodbye to the Mazda 3, and picked up a used(2007) Mazda CX-7. We're pretty pleased with it. It's a crossover, so it's not as big as a full blown SUV, but it's big enough to fit a car seat and still have plenty of leg room up front.

I'll be honest, it was hard saying bye to the 3. It was a good little car, and somebody is going to thoroughly enjoy her. One of many "sacrifices" in parenthood, but it really doesn't feel like such a "sacrifice".

Are We There Yet?

We only have a month to go, and I know neither one of us can wait, Tracy especially. Lately, I've felt more and more useless. It's not that I'm doing less, or that Tracy doesn't need me. It's that there's nothing I can do to help ease the discomfort she has been feeling lately. The home stretch is really taking it out of her. It's hard seeing her like this, and not being able to help ease the strain. I'm supposed to be her protector, but I can't seem to protect her from this pain.

I know this is all part of the territory. It's nothing new, although it is for us. We're just taking it a day at a time, and praying to Jesus for His hand of comfort. The end is in sight! Time to start packing that hospital bag!

UPDATE(1/25/12): Stay tuned... things just got interesting!

Week 33 - Crash Course in Fatherhood

2012-01-13T22:13:00.000-08:00

We are getting closer and closer to becoming parents, and there is nary a dull moment around the Howard household. In a way, the distraction is nice. It makes the days go by faster, bringing us that much closer to our baby boy. Then again, it adds to the dynamic that is our crazy beautiful life.

That dynamic reached a whole new plateau this week, and looking back at how it all started, I can chalk this up to a crash course in Fatherhood 101. It all started with our 9 year old beagle, Addie. It was a Sunday evening around 10pm, and Tracy and I were upstairs on the bed having a talk. Addie, as cute as she is, looked up on the bed, looking like she wanted to come up. We don't really let her up on furniture, so this would be a treat for her. So, I pulled her up, and she laid in between us for a few minutes.

Suddenly, she jumped up, with her mouth the widest I've ever seen it(even when she's begging for a piece of rotisserie chicken skins!), her ears were cocked back, and it seemed as if she was starting to choke. On what, we had no clue, but nonetheless I tossed her(gently, of course) off the bed so she wouldn't throw up on our bed. She started running back and forth in the room, still mouth wide open, making hacking sounds. This only lasted maybe a couple seconds, but it felt like much more.

Suddenly, she froze, limbs like cement. She toppled over to her side, and began convulsing. She lost all bladder control and started peeing right there, and foam was flowing from her mouth. At this point, I was starting to panic, and so was Tracy. I really didn't know what to do, but I knew I had to take charge and do something. I think this might have been the first lesson. You might not always have the right answers, but you have to buckle down and make the decisions that nobody else can make in that moment. I kind of felt my military training kick in a little bit too.

I scooped Addie up and ran her into the bathroom. With one arm, I whipped the baby bath out of our bathtub, and laid her in. I'm not really sure what I was hoping to accomplish with that. Maybe the tub was a cooler surface, and with convulsions like that, it will keep her body from overheating. Maybe I just didn't want anymore pee, poop, or vomit on the carpets. Those thoughts though, were far from my mind. All I could think about was I had no idea what has happening, and I thought she was having a cardiac arrest. My heart sank, and I began calling her name, trying to choke back the tears, trying to stay strong for my wife who's had her since she was a pup. I've only known her for a couple years, but she's a part of this family.

Her breathing was slowing down. Her limbs stopped convulsing and paddling. I had to fight the emotions. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. So many thoughts flooding my head, some of regret, some of joy. Suddenly, a deep breath. Then another. She wasn't leaving just yet! She was trying to sit up, so I helped her up, and I wiped off all of the drool. I pulled her out of the tub, and set her on the ground. She seemed a little dazed, but still conscience.

We took her downstairs to get her some water, and we sat on the ground to pet and love on her. Something wasn't right though. She was very restless, and very whiny. She couldn't decide between being with me or with Tracy. Makes sense though, she was just thrusted from a world of darkness back into reality, and I'm sure she had no idea what happened.

Our night was far from over. We started to Google what had happened, and we determined it was a seizure. Makes sense. Had all the makings of one. I should know. My Mom had epilepsy her whole life. Unfortunately, it was a common occurrence, and this was all too familiar. Why though, did she just now develop this at age 9. These sites say that isn't normal...

"She's doing it again!" That's all I could say. 20 minutes after her first one, she was having yet another fit. This time on the kitchen floor. Same cycle. We figured out that this wasn't her second, but actually her third. We had come home earlier in the day to find Addie had pooped in her room, a very rare incident. She also had a weird film like substance on her fur that came off pretty easily, but had no clue what it was. Now, I get it. Foaming drool. The same stuff coming out of her mouth right now. This has been going on all day. Time to call the Vet ER.

Of course, by the time we get her to the ER, she hadn't had one in the past hour. They ran a few blood tests, but nothing conclusive. It was a midnight run to the hospital on a work night. They decided to drug her up to try and let her get some rest for the evening. 2 hours and $300 later, we finally get home around 2am, and put her to bed. I send Tracy upstairs and get some sleep for work tomorrow. I grab a pillow, a blanket, and the stuffed Panda she got me from San Diego, and I pull night watch duty to keep an eye and ear on Addie. Thankfully I have tomorrow off.

She has one 30 minutes after we get home. Drugs did nothing. Another attack 4 hours after that. That's number 5. Number 6 came around 7:15 in the morning. Tracy just won't be able to concentrate on work, so she goes in just to make sub-plans, then comes right back. I start to lose track of attacks after that. We got her to our regular vet a couple hours later, and he holds her for observation. She has another attack while there, so the doc was able to observe.

We pick her up that evening, with a new game plan and new meds. I take another night of duty, and record 2 more attacks that night. Those were the last ones though. Since 4am Tuesday morning, Addie has been seizure free. Except we have a whole new battle.

The meds are making her stoned. She has little balance, and she is not very cognizant. Those are coupled with the mentality of a puppy right now; commands mean nothing, not disciplined, and very mischievous. Now it's a battle for patience for me. Just put the food away, and she's not so bad, but once she catches a whiff, it's over.

This isn't over yet, but I've learned some very valuable lessons. Fatherhood is going to have the same moments. There are going to be times when our baby hurts himself, and sometimes I might make it out worse than it is, and other times, I might be right on. There are going to be sleepless nights like the ones in this story, but I need to stay strong, and be there for my son and my wife. And no matter what happens to my little boy, I will love him, and be patient with him, because he is a gift from God, and God won't give me anything I can't handle.

Week 30 - The Holiday Buzz

2011-12-25T22:39:00.000-08:00

The holidays have come and gone. They have a way of making time fly by, which can be a good thing. I've been wanting to update this at least once a week, yet here I am, entering week 31, and I'm playing catch-up(I know the title says Week 30, but it makes me feel like I only missed one week of updates instead of two).

Christmas was a nice distraction from the chaos of pregnancy and nesting. It was fun being with all my nieces and nephews, and it helped me get into "parenting mode" as I played with them and read books to them.

Spending time with them is actually helping me practice patience. That's definitely going to be my biggest challenge as a parent, but I slowly feel it getting better. The greatest indication is my driving. I noticed this whole week, whenever Tracy and I went anywhere, I don't find myself itching to be in the left lane doing 10 miles over, and I don't feel the need to blast the horn at any clown who cuts in front of me without a turn signal. It's kind of liberating in a way. Normally I feel so anxious on the road, but it's fading away. I feel so much more chilled. Maybe it's that MercyMe or Casting Crowns CD that we've been listening to.

Other than New Year's Eve, the distraction of the holiday is behind us, and it's been hammer time on getting the baby's room together. This week we pretty much finished up the room. We had to decide what to do with the ceiling, so the quickest, cheapest solution was to just paint the ceiling the same color as the room. It actually didn't take as long as I was anticipating.

The vinyl tree decal. Ah, it looked so easy. It was actually the biggest pain in my rear. It went on easy enough, but trying to peel the backing off proved to be very difficult. It kept wanting to come off the wall too, and all the little branches and leaves were misaligned. It only took two hours, but it's finally up.

With the installation of the tree, it marked the completion of the room. The only thing that remains are just a few cosmetic details, like maybe a couple pictures, a couple small shadow boxes, and then wooden letters with his initials, CWH (Cayden Wesley Howard). By the way, the name came official when we took our day trip to Leavenworth, WA. We bought a cute wooden train spelling his name out(you'll see it below), so there was no turning back, unless we figure some other name using the same letters.

It truly is a relaxing feeling having the room 95% complete. If the baby were to come home tomorrow, I feel the room is prepared. Of course we don't have bottles, diapers, etc, but those will come soon enough. We also toured the birthing center at the hospital tonight, which, Tracy and I both agree, is making this more and more real. Looks like the anxiousness on the road is turning into anxiousness about being a father, but this a far better type of anxious!

Santa brought Cayden his first pair of Converse shoes, officially marking him as a member of the Howard family. Between the three of us, we have 7 pairs of Converse, though his is the first that's red(Converse were also worn at our wedding, as well as our cake topper, which we still have.)

Here's the train we bought in Leavenworth, WA. Too cute!

Addie is just as excited about the baby as we are. It will be her new source of table food!

Week 28 - The Home Stretch

2011-12-05T08:08:00.001-08:00

It's been a couple weeks since my last real update. Things have been kind of moving fast around here lately, and it's taking some time to catch our breath. The holiday season is upon us too, so that just adds to the chaos. Now we are in the third trimester, and it's crazy how time has flown. In 2 months, we will be parents, and I just keep getting more and more excited.

We started our child-birthing class last week. I really didn't know what to expect. I had basic ideas, but obviously I knew they wouldn't be lived up to. I knew there were going to be videos. There's always videos. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but maybe that's their trick. They get you comfortable in the beginning with a video that's a 5 out of 10, with 1 being a Charlie Brown special, and 10 being an Aliens movie. I'm sure the 10's will come later when I've settled in and have become comfortable. I'll be sure to eat a small dinner before just in case.

All in all, it's not a bad class. It's pretty informative, and I think the pain coping/breathing techniques are really good for Tracy and I. So far I think that is the best thing we've learned so far. The time of 7-9pm on Thursday is a little rough though. Seriously, don't they know that if pregnant women stay up past 8 it's bad news? Jerks. We have it for 5 more weeks too, provided we don't get over a half an inch of snow out here. I know how this state shuts down when the white stuff starts to fall.

The baby room is coming along. It could have been done by now, but I've been kind of procrastinating. A little bit at a time. It's about halfway done though. Tracy's dad helped me with the Ikea shelving that we picked up some weeks ago. I'm really happy with how they look. Oh yeah, you remember the pictures of those balloons that Jodi gave us I posted back when we found out we were having a boy? That was like, what, 2 months ago? Ya, that's the same balloon in the picture. How is that even possible??

Half of the room is painted too, with just a little bit left to go. I need to have it done this week, because we have a vinyl decal tree on it's way in the mail. It's white, about 6 feet tall, and it will be next to the dresser, kind of leaning over it. Kind of hard to picture, but I can't wait to get it up. The wall it's going on isn't painted yet though, so the crunch time is on. We also thought about doing crown molding and leaving the ceiling white. So I researched how to do crown molding, and after a few videos, I felt my man hood shrinking. Seriously, it was intimidating It definitely looked harder than I thought. So many angles, different types of cuts & tools, etc. I wanted to cry. Needless to say, the crown molding idea is on the fence for now.

Week 26: Thanksgiving 2011: A year in review

2011-12-03T22:12:00.001-08:00

This blog is about a week past due, so it's pretty lengthy. Last week, Tracy and I flew out to visit my family in Chicago. It was such a fun time, and I always love visiting my old stomping grounds. We were there for five days, but they seemed to fly by in a blur.

We arrived early Wednesday morning, and of course, our first stop was Giordanno's for some Chicago style deep dish. This seems to be our tradition, because that was also our first stop in 2010. Of course, I'm not complaining one bit. It's nice when the pizza is shipped out to us from Chicago, but you still can't beat it fresh outta the oven. Besides, baby needed some pizza. Trust me on this.

The following day was Thanksgiving. It was pretty nice getting to see the rest of my family the very next day instead of waiting a couple days and being anxious. Most of my family hasn't seen Tracy or me since before we were married, so to come home and see everyone now that we are married (a year!) and to see Tracy's baby bump was pretty special to me. My family was so sweet too, because we got some gifts for the baby. I wish we had more pictures, because the gifts came at different times, so we didn't open them all up together.

We got some cute outfits, pajamas, a blanket, and a stuffed Mickey Mouse, straight from Disney World (sorry if I missed anyone and their gifts, it's late and I can't remember it all)! They also had all chipped in on a car seat for us, so that was amazing! I'm so thankful for the family, and it meant so much to Tracy and I that we were thought of. We are truly blessed.

That following Saturday was our one year anniversary, so we spent it in downtown Chicago for the evening. Despite the rain (seriously, why did it have to follow us), we had a very enjoyable and romantic evening, punctuated by stops in any store that had anything Chicago Blackhawks in the window. The next day, we went to Navy Pier, where we went to the very spot I proposed to her. That's where we took the picture on the left. I can't believe it's been a year already since we got married. We both agree that it just seems to have flown by so fast. So many things have changed in just that one little year, it would be impossible to list them all. Tracy still feels like, and is, my best friend. We've grown so much together, that each day I feel closer and closer to her. Now, we have this amazing little gift on the way, and I cannot wait to hold that little man with Tracy. She is going to be an incredible mother, and I really think we will make a great team.

This is a moment that really touched my heart. Tracy probably doesn't approve of this picture because of her attire, but it's going up anyway (Sorry Tracy, you know I love you). The baby is an active little guy, and I always tell Marilyn how he is kicking up a storm nearly every night. From the moment we stepped off of the plane, I wanted her to feel, but I knew it would take a little time, especially since it isn't a scheduled activity. Finally, on Thanksgiving evening, after everyone had left, the little boy (apparently not phased by the tryptophan) started kicking again. We quickly called Marilyn over, and it took about a minute, but the karate class finally began. The look on her face, and then her reaction to the succession of kicks that followed was absolutely precious. She was feeling her grandson for the very first time.

Finally, we were able to visit my Mom's grave before we left Chicago. It was a surreal moment for me. This was the first time seeing her grave, and she was buried next to her father whom I never met, because he died a month after she was born. To be honest, I didn't know how to act. I didn't know what to do. I kicked myself for not having flowers, maybe an ultra sound picture of our little boy to leave there, nothing. Who knows when I'll be able to visit her next, but it was nice to have a moment with her with Tracy by my side. The next day was the five year anniversary of her passing, so it was special that I was able to visit with her since we'd be back in Washington that next day. Next time we come back, she will be able to meet her first grandchild.

All in all, it was an amazing week, and I'm so glad we were able to take advantage of the time before it was too late for her to fly. Oh, and we learned that pregnancy is a temporary disability, and we get to pre-board, which, when you are flying Southwest Airlines and have to find your own seating, that little piece of knowledge is pure gold. Score!

The photo we took before heading to my 10 year reunion

Thinking of my son

2011-11-17T20:24:00.001-08:00

Well, slowly but surely, I'm getting the room painted. This isn't a fun task. What makes it hard is doing it by myself, and doing it mostly one handed. I still have this cast on my left hand, and though I can still technically use it, I can't put a lot of pressure on it. So it's mostly useless. My right hand will start to cramp up from pushing the roller too hard. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but I'm trying to stretch one can of paint as much as I can. Regardless, I have 3 months to get it done, but it won't take that long. The room is nearly half done with it's first coat of paint. I'm going to have to do some touch up work after it's all done because the walls are so porous that I miss a lot. Still, it's nice seeing the room mostly done, because it helps us visualize the room better.

Our little guy has been pretty active lately. It's like he's trying out for the gymnastics competition at the Olympics. It really makes me think about how active he is going to be. Ha, he's a boy carrying the Howard blood line. He's going to have a bit of a wild side.

The daddy in me though, can't help but wonder what kind of life he will lead. Will he be a little carbon copy of me, or will he be more like his mom? I hope for his sake he's more like momma. Still I want the very best for him. What good father wouldn't want that? I just want him to always feel close to me. I want him to be my little sidekick when I'm watching the Blackhawks play. I want him to be a Chicago sports fan, wearing little Blackhawks and Bears jerseys, regardless if we are living there or not. What about playing sports? Will he be into it? If I had a choice, I'd get him into... you guessed it: hockey. Although, I heard it was an expensive sport to get your kid involved in. Maybe we'll stick with baseball.

I have to be careful though. I'm treading on dangerous ground. I'm close to becoming one of those parents who live vicariously through their children, having them do all the things they wish they could have when they were younger. I don't want to become that guy.

Regardless of what my son does, I will always be proud of him.

Week 25 - Let's get our paint on!

2011-11-11T22:11:00.001-08:00

Honestly, I had no idea there were so many shades of blue. I mean, I thought it was just blue, light blue, dark blue, baby blue, and sky blue. Oh, and God forbid you go to a different paint store and try to match a blue you found somewhere else. It's impossible!

So here's what happened. We had stopped by a Home Depot a few weeks ago, just to grab some blue samples and see which one we would like the best. We had decided we liked a blue that was a little light, and it was called "Madras blue". What the heck is "madras" blue?

So I had Thursday off this week, and decided to go get some paint samples of the color to see how it looked in the bedroom. Even though we grabbed the samples from Home Depot, I went to Lowe's because we still have a couple gift cards there from when we got married. I brought my color with to see if I can match it with what they had there. I didn't know at this time that all I had to do was to give my sample color, even from a different store, to the paint guys and they could do a computer scan and match the color. This would have been a very helpful piece for information.

I'm kind of glad I didn't know that though. I spent probably the next 20 minutes looking through and endless sea of different shades of blue. There were seven different sections, each having it's own endless sets of blues, greenish blues, purplish blues, and grayish blues. Even with all the choices I had, I couldn't find an exact match to the sample I got from Home Depot.

Well, three paint samples later, we finally landed a color we like. Blue belle. I doubt a single one of you can picture how that blue looks from that name. Seriously, I wonder were they come up with these names.
The one on the top is the one we ultimately decided on. Tomorrow is when the fun begins. We get to tape off the trim, cover up the furniture, and get to work. I won't allow Tracy to be in the room while I'm painting, so it's just going to be me, some music, and a lot of paint. I can't mess that up... right?

I'm pretty excited to get this started. This is a major step in getting the baby room together. After we get the room painted, then it's time to get the book case hung up, and then we start the tree!

More pics to come soon! Everyone is welcome to come help paint!

Week 24 - Protection from this world

2011-11-07T09:16:00.000-08:00

I came to a stark revelation today: This is a crazy, sick world we live in. It scares me what kinds of people are out there. Maybe I shouldn't watch the news so much anymore, because it really is hitting close to home now. Today alone, I heard so many stories involving young children, it was disturbing.

Today, I heard a story about a mother who's car ran out of gas in Bellevue, WA. She left the car to find a gas station. She took her 4 year old daughter, but left her 2 year old son in his car seat, with one door unlocked. She was gone for an hour. A freaking hour! Are you kidding me? You shouldn't have left the kid at all! Well, that isn't the worst part. When she came back to the car, the kid was gone. Disappeared, or so she says. Turns out this chick and her husband were charged a couple years ago with abandonment or something along those lines for a similar incident.

This is total neglect on the parent's part. I pray to God that is never me. I know I will never do it on purpose, but I don't even want this to happen on accident. I love my little boy so much, and he isn't even out of momma yet. I don't know what I would do if my little monster gets hurt. I saw another story tonight after that one about a college student who was shot and killed, just because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. When they were interviewing the parents, the father was devastated. He was trembling, eyes glazed over in disbelief. I felt his pain. Yet I couldn't imagine the intensity of it.

No parent should ever bury their child. Ever. I feel a strong urging to be the protector of my family. I'm sure this is natural instincts kicking in, and it's pretty strong. I want that boy to feel safe in daddy's arms. I want him to run to me when he is scared, when he has a nightmare, or when he wants me to check for monsters under the bed. I hope I never forget this feeling I have right now. I know there will be a time when he is going to ask me for the tenth time in a week to check for monsters, and I may begin to lose my patience. If I do, I want to remember this. I want to remember exactly how I feel at this moment as I type this.

I know I'm not the first daddy-to-be to feel this way, and I won't be the last. I just hope my little boy knows, as he's reading this blog many years from now, that I pray to Jesus I never let him down, and if I ever did, I am sorry! I love you buddy. I don't know your name yet, but you are my son, and that will never change.

Love,

Daddy

Week 23 - Growth & Movement

2011-11-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

These have really been wild times with the pregnancy. Tracy is finally really starting to show, which I thoroughly enjoy. It's what she has been wanting the entire time, since we found out she was pregnant. She has been super excited to take pictures of her little baby bump, so we took some last week.

I was really trying to have fun with taking the pictures. I'm pretty amateur with our camera, but it's a very nice one, so I try to let it do most of the work. I do like to try to pretend to know what I'm doing though. I was down on my knees, ball cap backwards, giving Tracy instructions on how I wanted her to stand, where I wanted her hands, etc. This shot wasn't from that. No, this came after we already took a bunch, and Tracy just sat on the ledge, and said "Take the pictures now." I must say, she was right on the money with this one. It's beautiful.

It's amazing to me just how much she has grown in just a mere week or two. She is looking more and more pregnant, and it just tugs at my heart strings every time. I can't help it but want to rub her belly every time I see her. When we hug, her belly pushes up against me, and you know what? I love that! That's a bit weird maybe, but it's just making all of this so much more real to me. It's crazy how hard her stomach is now too. We talked about that today, and it's pretty solid. Our little boy is taking up quite a bit of room! I keep teasing Tracy and telling her how I was a 9 lb. baby, so maybe our little boy will take after papa! I know, not a very nice joke. She's the one who has to pop that little fella out, so I don't wish that on her!

Now we are starting to see his movements when we squirms or kicks! Now that is some wild stuff. It was one thing to feel him kick for the first time a few weeks ago. I will never forget that. Now we actually see him kicking! He gets some pretty good roundhouse kicks and left jabs in there once in awhile! It's like he's trying to break out.

Soon my little guy, you'll be out. I can't wait for that day!

Week 22–Nesting

2011-10-26T00:41:00.000-07:00

We are slowly beginning to design and assemble the baby room. A few months ago, this didn’t seem like such a daunting task. Now though, it has a whole different feel to it. I don’t really fancy myself as a home handy-man. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just that I never really had any experience until recently. I never owned a home, and I never really did anything prior to this. I did build a bird house with popsicle sticks once. Not sure that qualifies though.

This is new territory for me. I’m an aircraft electrician by trade, and though I do feel comfortable around tools, this is still slightly new to me. Now, I’m not tearing any walls out, or building a new wing of the house. However we are giving the room a complete makeover.

First is deciding the paint. Tracy wants to match it with the bedding, which I completely understand. Now she just needs to make up her mind on the bedding, and then we are halfway there.

By the way, I hate painting. After the painting fiasco we had over the summer, I now hate it. In case you don’t know of what I refer to, let me enlighten you. Tracy had asked me to do a little bit of touching up of the walls in the house with the paint we had in the garage. Simple enough. I grabbed the brown paint, and touched up the brown wall. Then I grabbed the white paint to touch up the rest of the house. I did a few spots down stairs, a few more in the stair case, then a bunch more in the loft. It looked fine as I was painting it on, but it was a bit glossy because it was wet. So I waited for it to dry, but when it dried… it was still glossy. Ooops… wrong paint. We could never quite get the right paint either. Even taking the sample to Lowe’s, the paint never quite got to the same color as our walls, and the numerous spots I touched up. So, we got as close as we could(three trips later), and ended up painting every single wall. Oh ya, good times.

This time shouldn’t be quite as stressful as that, however I do have a bad taste in my mouth still because of that. Tracy also would like a tree painted in the room. It will be a pretty simple yet tasteful one, and that is actually a challenge I am looking forward to. I used to draw a lot, and I like to think I have an artistic side, so this will be a chance for me to play with that a little bit. Should be fun.

We will probably be changing out the lights too, which shouldn’t be too hard. I am an electrician, so I can handle that. Then we have a small bookcase from Ikea I need to hang up. I actually can’t wait to get those up, they will look pretty nice. We have two, one will be on the ground while the other will be up on the wall.

I had fun making cave man drawings as I was contemplating the different scenarios in my mind. It’s nice to go back to one’s roots once in awhile.

We still have a lot of work ahead of us. I am kind of waiting a little bit to really get into it, but when I do, it should be a lot of fun. I might be looking for some help when I start though, so if you want some beer and pizza, give me a shout!

Week 21 - Names & Shopping

2011-10-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Things have really kicked into full gear with this pregnancy. Tracy has begun showing, and it's making this just a little more real. It's crazy, she wasn't showing this much like 2 weeks ago, then all of a sudden she is. It's like it happened over night! I did read though that between 18 and 22 weeks is when the baby begins to show, so right on time.

I regret one thing though, and that's not taking pictures of her belly every week these past few weeks. I think it would have been special to see her slowly grow. We will take some pictures tomorrow though. Better late than never I suppose.

We got to register at Babies R Us last weekend, which as much as we love shopping, this was exhausting! I think what made it so hard was the fact that we really had no clue what we were doing. This was new territory for us. Sure, we've bought the occasional gift for friends or family there, but never have we had to walk through and get stuff for ourselves. It didn't help that when we signed up to register, the store gave us a list of 250 "must-haves" for the new baby. That just kind of added to the over whelming feeling. We both knew it was a fluffed up list for those over-protective, hafta buy everything for my baby kind of parents, but trying to sort through the list to the essentials was tough. Once that was done though, then we had to decide what type of stuff to get. Blah. Too much. We knocked out a lot, but still have some to go. Next time, we are bringing to residential prego lady, Jodi. We are hiring her as our consultant!

We did buy our first outfits for the little guy though! We are good at buying clothes!!

I can't wait to see our little guy in these cute little outfits! Speaking of 'little guy', picking out a name is quite the challenge. It's almost as exhausting as registering! This is a major decision! I mean, this is a decision that this kid will have to live with for the rest of his life! We have to be careful about picking a name that flows right. I mean, not that I would even consider it, but I can't name the kid Howard. Howard Howard? Haha! Plus, it has to be something that isn't obnoxious or boring, like Bartholomew. Hmm, maybe I can name him Han, or Indiana. Ya, don't think Tracy would go for that.

Tracy and I have a few names we agree on, and a few we don't. Thank God we have a few months to figure this out. If we decided we didn't want to find out the sex until the baby was born, this would be even worse! We would have to come up with names for both sexes! Not just 1 name for boy and 1 name for girl either. We are kind of picking a few names, and then when the baby is born, we will decide. If we didn't find out, we would have had like 20 names to remember.

That's all to report on this week. More pictures to come with the next update!

Week 20 - The Kick

2011-10-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

I felt the baby kick for the first time last night. Words cannot describe that experience. It was so surreal. Nothing can prepare you for that experience.

First off, let me say how awesome it is, that when the mother first starts feeling the baby move, it's called the quickening. It might be just me, but when I hear that, the only thing I think of is the movie Highlander. In the movie, a quickening is when an immortal is beheaded, and a powerful energy is released. The energy is all the knowledge and power from that immortal, and it enters the body of the Highlander. The energy is so intense that the Highlander has spasms, uncontrolled body movement. So, I'm guessing some nurse somewhere tried to explain this to a clueless guy, and finally just came up with that analogy, and the light bulb finally came on.

Anyway, I digress.

Tracy had been saying how she has been feeling the baby move around, especially these last few days. We laid down in bed, and she asked me if I wanted to feel the baby. I have tried to feel him before in the recent days, but with no success, so I had no expectations of tonight being any different. Tracy had her hand on the lower part of her belly, and she moved her hand to make room for mine. At first, it was hard to differentiate between Tracy's normal body movements, heartbeat, breathing, etc., and what could have been a baby. I know the brain can play tricks on you, especially when you are expecting to hear or see something, so I was trying to be vigilant in separating the false from the real, so I could mark the time that I first felt my little boy.

For the first 30 seconds that my hand was on her tummy, I was feeling the slightest movement, but I was pretty sure it was just Tracy's natural body functions. How would I know any different? Suddenly, I knew what I just felt. That was no heartbeat. That was a kick. That was a Chuck Norris kick, and it landed in the middle of my palm! A surge of emotions flooded my brain. This was it. This was the first time felt the physical presence of my son. He wasn't just an image on a TV screen anymore.

I felt a second kick. This one felt bigger. To be honest, it was a bit weird too. I mean, this isn't a normal sensation. This wasn't a muscle spasm, this felt like someone or something was trying to break out(the movie Aliens comes to mind). I'm pretty sure if my hand wasn't there, I would be able to see the kick raise her tummy at the point of impact. That thought quickly fled my mind as I felt the third kick. Our little guy was getting his exercise for the night.

I can't begin to comprehend how it feels for Tracy. She describes it as "butterflies" in her tummy. I'm sure as our son grows, that it will become more intense and distinct. It will go from "butterflies" to a Kiss concert in her stomach. Regardless, I'm proud of Tracy the way she has been handling this. I know at times it isn't easy, and it's a huge transition for her. Thankfully, she has a great support structure, and a loving family. Tracy's sister, Jodi, got her balloons at work that say "It's a boy!". So sweet, except now she is making me look bad!

I can't wait to feel him kick again.

Week 20 - It's a boy!!

2011-10-14T01:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't think I was going to be as nervous as I was. The night before I hardly slept a wink. This was one of those things that was going to dramatically shape and define our soon-to-be parenthood. Was my future full of Barbie's and dance recitals, or GI Joe's and football practice? Pink or blue? Daddy's little princess, or daddy's little warrior?

We met at the imaging center at around 12:15, and waited patiently for what seemed like a couple hours. Finally, we were called in at 12:25. I can't believe how long we had to wait. The nerve! We entered the room, and it was a nice little room, with the lights softly dimmer. I looked around for the candles and massage oil, but alas, there was none. I sat in the chair next to the bed as Tracy laid down and got ready. The lady doing the ultrasound had a European accent that I couldn't quite place, but she was very sweet and even a little goofy. It took a little bit of time before we got to find out the gender, because she had to do a series of measurements. The wait, however, was worth it. It was definitely a boy!

I don't think I was fully ready to hear either answer to be honest. It didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl, as long as he or she were healthy. Finding out the sex just made this pregnancy more real. It's not like it hasn't felt real up to this point. It has. As Tracy's belly starts to grow, it sinks in a little bit more. Finding out the sex added another element of realism that I honestly cannot put into words. It took the day for it to really sink in. I'm having a boy. I'm going to have a son. A son. A little man, who is going to look up to me. He is the one who is going to carry on my name. As these things flowed through my head, the amount of honor and joy that surrounds me makes me fall in love with him more and more with each passing hour.

I love this little boy with all my heart. I want to do my best as a father. I don't like using that cliche about not making the same mistakes as my father made. I know I'm going to make mistakes. It's how you handle those mistakes that defines you as a father, and more importantly, a dad. I love my dad, and I am proud to be his son. I see the type of man he has become, and I want to be that for my son. It isn't easy, and it isn't going to happen over night. Thankfully, like my dad, I have a good partner who is going to help keep me in check.

I want to leave you guys with this video. It's a song by Brad Paisley called Anything Like Me. I heard this song a while back, well before Tracy was knocked up. I knew that if/when I had a son, that this song would become my anthem. Well, that moment has arrived, and I lost count of how many times I have listened to it these last few days. Take a listen, and just imagine that every single word Brad is singing, are my thoughts exactly. Enjoy!

Week 18(19?)

2011-10-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

Really, I'm not sure if this is week 18 or 19. If you read my last blog, you know of what I refer to. We still don't have a solid confirmation on which is right, so in my heart we are week 18. Especially if you go by the traditional method of determining our due date by using the date of the last period. However, it's not like it will make a dramatic difference on when we are due.

So next week, we find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I'm pretty nervous. Not really sure why, but I am. I really want a little girl for our first baby. Tracy and I both do. However, we both have a gut feeling it will be a boy. Only because we want a girl so bad. That's just how life works, right? Regardless, we will be excited no matter what it is.

We went and checked out car seats the other day. You know, I'm a bit disappointed in the lack of variety there is. A baby store is huge with a ridiculous amount of variety, except for car seats. I didn't know that they would be a pain to fit into a car either, even with the car being a sedan. I guess I should be more specific. I'm referring to those rear facing car seats. You have to have the front seat so far forward to get those car seats to sit in there. I definitely won't be able to sit in that seat, so I'll have to drive, which I don't have a problem with. It's just one of those things I seriously never would have thought about until we tried it.

So, I just walked into the baby's room, and just starred into the crib for a minute. I don't think it has really sunk in for me yet. I just kept imagining a beautiful little baby just laying there, his/her little hand wrapped tightly around my finger as he/she slept. It's an amazing and beautiful miracle. To think I was responsible for making a new life is just unfathomable. It seems like only yesterday I was still an immature young adult living in a studio apartment downtown Seattle, downing a 6-pack of beer while playing WoW on my laptop and Call Of Duty on my Xbox, all at the same time. Now look where I am. I am married to a woman that I cannot thank Jesus enough for blessing me with. We live in a beautiful cozy home, close to her family, all of which I love. They are like my family away from my family. Imagine that, in-laws that don't feel like in-laws. I definitely don't deserve the love and grace that Jesus has shown me over the years, even now when he is blessing me with one of the most beautiful blessings I can ask for.

Stay tuned for my next update. We find out the sex on October 11th, then we are going to go out and start our baby registry! Yay! I'll be sure to make an update after that!

Week 16 - Or... Week 18?

2011-09-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

So some interesting news this week from Tracy's monthly check-up: She might be farther along than we expected! So this is pretty exciting news for some obvious reasons.

First, it's one or two less weeks we will have to wait! Nine months is long enough as it is, so to shave a week or two off the end is awesome. Our original due date was March 5th, now they are saying February 23rd. It's hard waiting this long as it is. I mean, a part of me feels like we just found out Tracy was pregnant a week ago, so time is flying, yet still so far to go!

Now, we are faced with a potentially interesting birthday. First off, let me say that I am partially relieved that our baby has a chance to be a February baby and not a March baby. Jodi, I know you're reading this. March is your month. You own the monopoly on that month in this family. I dare not intrude on your territory. Seriously, I did the best I could to avoid the possibility of a March baby, but Jesus has a unique sense of humor that I thoroughly enjoy. Though now that we've had our laugh, it seems as though he is going to bless us with a February baby instead.

Of course it's subject to change, after all, we are looking at late February or early March, so it's still a possibility. However, next year is a Leap Year. Oh great. This is getting interesting. Now, I actually think it would be pretty neat to have a Leap Year baby. Come on! That type of stuff makes the news! I make the argument that if you have a Leap Year baby, then those years in between, the birthday would be March 1st. Makes sense to me. It's the day immediately following the 28th when there is no 29th. But alas, there we are back in March(not officially, but only once every four years will it be a February birthday).

At first I was conflicted about one more thing. My birthday is on February 27th, right in the thick of things. Seriously, I didn't want the baby to be born the same day. It would never be my birthday anymore, it would be the baby's. Go get your own birthday! Wow. How selfish of me. I'm about to embark on an 18 years plus journey of selflessly putting that kid before me. My life's priorities are so much different now, and this was probably one of my biggest realizations of that. So sharing a birthday with that little bundle of joy wouldn't be so bad after all.

Besides, wouldn't that be the greatest birthday present I ever received? I'm pretty sure it would be.

Week 14 - Surgery

2011-09-06T22:26:00.000-07:00

No, the surgery isn't for Tracy, nor is it for the baby. In fact, they are doing great. Tracy's nausea is slowly starting to subside, which is great for her. I know it's taken a toll on her at times, so it makes me happy to hear how it's affecting her less and less.

No, this surgery is for me. What does it have to do with this baby though? Tons.

Back in 2008, while I was on deployment in the Navy, I hurt my left wrist. I fell backwards onto it while I was in port in Chile. Of course, I went to the ship medical to get it checked out. I don't remember if it swelled up, or if it turned any colors. I'm pretty sure I didn't. However, because we were in port, medical wasn't fully staffed. The corpsman on duty looked at it, and told me it was sprained. Being a little naive, I took her word for that.

A year went by, and I was still experiencing pain. Clearly, this wasn't a sprain. However, by that time I was no longer in the Navy, and though I held a job for a short while after I was discharged, I wasn't there long enough to take advantage of any medical benefits. So I went the next two years without medical insurance. I'm sure there was some sort of VA benefits I could have looked into, but the previous dealings I had with the VA were less that pleasurable, so I really didn't have the energy to pursue anything else.

It wasn't until July 2010 that I finally held a job and began receiving medical insurance. Of course, by that time my wrist stopped hurting. It was bizarre. Before it was painful to just write anything, even just my name. Now, it didn't hurt when I was doing dumbbell bench presses with 55 lbs. weights. I figured that it finally healed itself. A few months ago, the pain came back with a vengeance like I hadn't experienced before. I'm not totally sure what triggered it. All of a sudden, I couldn't lift weights anymore. I tried pressing a 45 lbs. weight, and I couldn't do 1 rep.

What really hit home though was when I went camping a few weeks back with Tracy, Jodi, James, and their kids. One of those days, I was trying to hold little 4 month old Jacob. It wasn't more than 5 minutes before my wrist was in intense pain, and I had to pass him off. That's when it hit home: I'm about to have my own little baby in 7 months, and I need to be able to hold that little bundle of joy. How can I do that if I have a wrist that can barely do anything? That's when I decided to take advantage of the medical insurance I had, and get this fixed.

I'm sure glad I did. Thankfully, it's something that can be fixed. I was a bit worried that after 3 years, it would have been too late. What they found was a fracture in one of the bigger bones in my wrist. A fracture that didn't fuse back together because of the poor blood flow on that particular bone.

On the right side of my wrist, you will see that dark spot in the middle of a long bone. That's what I've had for the last 3 years. So, they can fix it, but it's going to require them taking a piece of bone out of my radius bone, and sticking it into that void, with an artery attached to it to help stimulate the blood flow and encourage healing. Sounds good to me.

Surgery is next Friday, September 16th. I'm pretty nervous. It's the second major surgery for me, but this one is scarier than my first one. Not really sure why, because the other major one was putting my face back together. Maybe because this one is going to affect how much I can hold my little baby and help out my wife. I'll keep you posted on that.

Week 13 - Good times

2011-08-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

This week has been a good week as far as the pregnancy goes. Tracy has been feeling a little bit better, which makes it easier on me. One of the hardest things for me is being able to keep up with her, and make her happy and comfortable. The biggest challenge of course being what to eat for dinner. From what I've read, around week 14 those picky pregnancy cravings will be gone and she will be able to enjoy the foods she used to. I hope so, because I'm exhausted trying to keep up with her!

In other news, my parents blessed us with buying the stroller we really wanted. Between Tracy's parents and mine, I feel so blessed with what we have received so far. We had to do a bit of research on what kind of stroller to buy. You know, it's a bit intimidating! There are so many products out there for babies, and obviously, I want to buy the best available. One day, I went to a Baby's R Us on my own, and I was the only guy in the store. I wasn't quite sure how to feel. On one hand, I felt proud that I was the only daddy(to-be) in the store, so it made me feel good, but I also felt a bit weird from the looks I was getting from the women in the store. Were they not expecting to see a man in a baby store at 2:00 in the afternoon? One lady even asked if I worked there! So since I didn't work there, were they labeling me as a creeper, or as a caring daddy?

Anyway, Tracy and I finally decided on the City Elite stroller. I seriously never thought I would be excited about a stroller, but I really am. The more stuff we get though, the more excited I get about the baby. I can't wait for the car seats though. I mean, that really is the kicker out of all the stuff you buy. Why? Because the car seat is pretty much with you every where you go. Even if you don't have the kid with you, the car seat is in the back. It's a good reminder. Anyway, we need to get the Graco Snug-Ride 30, with the Lotus color scheme. Wow. Do I seriously know this all the way down to the name of the color scheme?? Yes.

On a final good note, we finally received our blood work results. Now, I know that the blood work results are probably only about 70% accurate, and if we were to receive bad results, we would do nothing different. We would love the child more than anything in the world. I honestly think my heart is prepared for that type of situation. It may be easy to say now, but I'm trying to mentally put myself in that place. The place where in my arms, I am holding a child, that will never really grow all the way up. That child will have my full attention and love as if it were like any other child. God will bless us how he sees fit, and I will rejoice no matter what.

The results we received were outstanding. It did make me a bit nervous waiting so long for those results, especially when I was the one who had to call for those results. It made me feel like they were scared to call and tell us any kind of bad news. Fortunately, I was wrong.

Week 12 - The day I've been waiting for...

2011-08-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you really have no idea how hard this was. Seriously, it was like winning the $140 million lottery, and I wasn't able to tell a single soul, except really close relatives. Trying to contain the excitement and not tell every single person I have ever come in contact with was an exercise in self restraint like I'm not sure I've ever experienced before. I was really considering just going up to some homeless people or maybe a few random preschoolers and just tell them the good news! I didn't want to get thrown into the loony bin though, so I decided against it.

The wait has paid off though. Today, we officially hit the 12 week mark, and still have a healthy, active baby growing inside Tracy's cute belly! It is absolutely amazing how much the baby has changed in only four weeks. With our first ultra sound, all we could see was a small little white blob on the screen, and the only thing that told us it was a baby was the insanely fast heart beat. Now, here we are, just a mere 4 weeks later, and the amazing amount of changes there have been just touch my heart like nothing I've ever seen before.

It's a baby! The feet, the hands, the head, eyes and nose! It's all there! Wow. It really does blow my mind. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure how parents become so in love with their child before it's born. Now, I see it. While this baby grows inside Tracy, I'm growing with her(him) too. I'm forgetting about myself more and more, and have been focusing on the baby. Seeing the baby like this for the first time really drove the nail home for me, and I couldn't have been happier.

I don't think the smile left my face at all today. The one thing I have been waiting on since Tracy first peed on the stick, is putting the big news on Facebook. Putting it on Facebook was a big deal to me, because it's how I keep in touch with most of my family and friends. Being that I'm originally from Illinois, and the only friends I made out here were Navy friends who are either moved to different parts of the country, or still up at Whidbey Island, Facebook is my tool to talk to those I care about. I kept asking to do it, partially kidding, partially serious. I knew Tracy wanted to wait until this milestone, but still! Tracy had some back up from the doctor though, so I guess I really didn't have any options. Doctors orders and all. I was okay with waiting, it made the reveal of the news that much sweeter!

Things are looking great so far. We are still waiting for the official blood work results, but the ultra sound tech said everything looked absolutely great during her measurements, and she would be very surprised to hear any different. I know it's not set in stone, but it does give us a little relief.

Week 11 - More weird food rules

2011-08-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have to be honest. This is the funniest part about this pregnancy so far. It seriously boggles my mind how easily her tastes have changed, especially to disliking food that we ate on a normal, every day basis, and seriously enjoyed it.

The biggest thing is the salads. We usually buy the big 16oz. spring mix salad from Costco, and go through it by the end of the week. Now, I have trouble putting a dent in it by myself, since I'm the only one who can stomach it. Yesterday, we decided to have some chicken teriyaki for dinner, and the place we normally go gives a side salad with it. It's a simple side salad, with iceberg lettuce, and a creamy ranch dressing. That's it. Yet, Tracy killed that salad like it owed her money.

Wait a minute, I thought you didn't like salad!? We discussed that today while I was on my way into Safeway to pick up some items for community group dinner tonight. Apparently, she was able to dig on the iceberg lettuce because it wasn't like all the healthy dark green leaves found in the spring mix we get from Costco. The nutritional value of iceberg lettuce is pretty much the same as air. So I guess that makes it good in her book.

I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.

Actually, on second thought... probably not.

Week 11 - Weird Food Rules & Nesting

2011-08-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

These are anxious times for both of us right now. We are nearing the pivotal 12 week mark, and that appointment next Friday isn't come fast enough for either of us. However, we are keeping pretty occupied by many other things.

Mostly, it's Tracy's stomach keeping me on my toes. I read all about this stuff. I mean, I even remember watching a movie when I was younger, where the woman was pregnant, and she was putting ketchup in her mashed potatoes. Everyone was looking at her like she was nuts. Tracy said that one of the greatest things about being pregnant is she gets to eat whatever she wants, and nobody will judge her. I envy her.

Pre-pregnancy, our normal dinner fare was a beautifully made salad, complete with all the fixings. I grew accustomed to this nightly ritual. Now, just the mere mention of the word salad invokes nauseous looks from her. Barbecue, avocado, and anything she has eaten within the last week are on the no-go list. Good times!

Nesting. Such an interesting idea. When I hear that word, I think of birds, grabbing branches, one by one, to create, well, a nest. Yet, what we do, is no different in concept. We are making an environment comfortable for the raising of a baby. So, having that idea in mind, I grabbed a Corona, and watched Tracy start putting the baby's room together! Mmm, and what a good beer it was.

If you believed that, then you obviously don't know us very well. Tracy likes nesting, but apparently I'm the one who is supposed to be putting the nest together! It's okay, I actually was enjoying it. The beer that is. Nothing like a Corona with a lime. Anyway, it was nice getting the room cleared out, so we could move the boxes for the crib up there. We bought it the day before, with the help of my loving mother and father in law. Thank you guys!

So the boxes were in the garage, while I cleared out the room and then shampooed the carpet. It needed it. Our previous tenant of the room was less than well groomed. I thought about ripping up the carpet and setting it on fire in the driveway, but opted with the less destructive carpet cleaning machine.

Next, I moved the dresser and crib stuff into the room, and started the task of putting that together. The start of our baby's room!

These boxes were huge. There was no way I was getting them upstairs, so I had to open them up in the garage, then carry them upstairs piece by piece.

It was so hard reading French. I sure hope I put it together right.

Addie wanted to help too! Actually, I think she is pretty nervous about what's going on in this room. She's a pretty smart dog, so she knows something is up. She is gonna be pretty overwhelmed here in a few months as this room gets more and more stuff in it. Then, when the baby comes, it's all down hill for her. She is starved for attention now, so she will hate us when we ignore her all day for a crying baby.

The room is 1/16th complete. The crib is assembled, the dresser/changing table is in place. The carpet doesn't smell like dirty gym socks. It's looking good. I can't wait until it's complete, including the most important part of it: our baby.

July 20, 2011 - Our first doctor appointment

2011-07-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

Finally! It was so hard waiting for this appointment. I mean, up until today, pregnancy was just a mere concept. It wasn't quite reality yet. I mean, sure, we saw the two blue lines on the pregnancy test, but like the box says, they are only 99% accurate. How do we know that we weren't that 1%? Plus, I've read stories about people who thought they were pregnant, when really they were, or that their period just had a weird cycle. How much of that is true, I have zero clue. Why should I? I'm a guy. We aren't supposed to know about that stuff. Ever.

When we walked into the doctor's office, I won't lie: I was a bit nervous. It was a first time experience for me obviously, and I didn't know how welcomed men were. Yes, I know, men of course are welcomed. But how many uncaring, just here because I have to be, good for nothing men, have walked through those doors? I'm not one of them, and for some reason, I had this irrational fear that maybe some, if not all, of these female doctors and nurses, had their judging eyes fixed on me. I mean, when I looked at the stack of magazines on the table in the waiting area, of course, not a single guy magazine. Oh wait, yes, there is one. It's a Sports Illustrated! Oh wait, it's six months old. Nevermind.

I quickly put those fears behind me, because I knew my primary role here was to be my wife's support. We were finally called in after about 10 minutes of paperwork. After taking Tracy's weight, we were led into the exam room. The first nurse gave us a stack of encyclopedias to read through regarding our new adventure. I was hoping they had a loading dock and fork lift somewhere waiting to load this into the back of our car. They asked Tracy to change, and to that the doctor would be in to see her in a few minutes.

I was starting to feel a little more relaxed. The initial jitters were slowly fading with each moment. A few minutes had passed, when the doctor walked in. Immediately, I felt safe and comfortable with her. She looked experience, caring, and knowledgeable. She was an older woman, with a great big smile, and you could tell she enjoyed her job. She was excited to greet us and to be the one who showed us our baby for the first time.

"It's been a long time coming! Congratulations!"

Huh? Um...

"Congratulations Paul!"

All those feelings of being relaxed and not nervous? Poof. I didn't know what to do or say! It was the last thing I was expecting, and it was all happening so fast! Paul? Who the hell is Paul! Crap! Tracy's ex? Apparently the file didn't get updated... Ooops. Tracy was quick to correct this.

"Oh no, this isn't Paul! Paul is my ex. This is Wesley!"

The doc's next statement was priceless. "Well! Congrats on your stuff working then!"

It wasn't until after this appointment that this all came clear to me. I won't go into details on this out of respect for Paul, but let's just say my swimmers didn't need floaties to swim in the deep end of the pool.

All that aside, I quickly was focused on what was about to happen. We were about to find out how real this is. I stood next to Tracy as the doc turned off the lights, except a floor lamp that she used to exam Tracy. I couldn't help but giggle to myself quietly as I thought it looked like the doc was a Russian agent and she was interrogating a spy behind the sheet. Seriously, the lamp looked like they picked it up from a local garage sale. Anyway, I digress. The doc turned our attention to the screen. It took a few seconds for something recognizable to pop up on the screen, but when it did...

There it was! Our baby! It was amazing. I mean, you really can't make anything out totally clearly, but after reading a little bit before hand, and knowing what the baby should look like (at this point I think it's about the size of a kidney bean), I could tell that this is what we were looking at. You know what did it for me though? Seeing the heart beat. You most definitely could make that out. It looked like it was taking about nearly half of the size of the baby, but that little heart was going so fast it was unreal. That's when it hit me hardest that I'm gonna be a daddy. I got a little misty eyed as I looked at the little baby with amazement and wonder. God's creation is truly amazing, especially the way they develop.

This is the heart beat ultrasound. Look below the left picture. It says HR1=163bpm. 163 beats per minute! That little heart was trucking along! Unbelievable! Doc said that's a good range too. Normal beats at this stage of development is 110-180 bpm.

It was at this point we heard the one statement that put our hearts and minds at ease: "You have a very strong and healthy baby. At this point, you have a less than 2% chance of miscarriage." Less than 2%. That's great news doc. Of course, it's God's choice on whether we keep this baby, but things are looking good. I think after the 12 week mark, we will be able to relax a little bit more, as will I. 12 week appointment: August 19th.

Mommy's Little Helper

2011-07-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

I realized something last night. One of the greatest things about this pregnancy, is my chance to serve my wife. I served her before she was pregnant, but it's so different now. Now, she relies on me more than before. I enjoy the opportunity to serve her, and take care of her, the way Jesus takes care of us. And it comes in so many different shapes and sizes.

Last night for instance, it was a simple task, but my heart swelled at the opportunity. It was late at night, and I was just going into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Tracy was fast asleep in bed, but she rolled over, and in the cutest, sleepiest voice, she asked me to go downstairs and grab the fan because it was getting too stuffy in the bedroom. I stopped what I was doing without even thinking of it, and went downstairs to get the fan. As I was walking down the stairs, I felt like I was floating.

It hit me that this is what I as a Christian, should do all the time. My joy of serving someone was a reflection of Christ's love for us. I literally felt the presence of Jesus in that moment, and I knew that he was pleased. I also realized that even though my heart for this was because of my beautiful wife and the miracle growing inside of her, that this kind of joy and service should be extended to everyone I come in contact with. It's a big lesson to learn, and even harder to apply it to life, but it's an extremely important one.

This pregnancy is slowly changing me, and this is exactly what I prayed to the Lord would happen to me. I have a lot of rough edges. My marriage to Tracy has soften some of them, but there are still some left that are very resilient. Jesus is using this experience to soften even the toughest of edges. What an amazing God we have.

June 26, 2011 - "I'm pregnant!"

2011-07-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

"I'm pregnant!"

That was the phrase my ears have been aching to hear for months now. Of course, I didn't want to get overly excited in case the unthinkable happened. Yet, a portion in side of me was swelling up with uncontrollable joy. As Tracy showed me the pregnancy test, I grabbed it, careful to not grab the wrong end(even though the cap was on, still...), and examined the two pink lines. "Are you sure?" was the first thing I asked. I mean, are we sure we are reading this thing right? They are all different! Is it two pink lines? Is it a pink line with a blue line? Is it a tic-tac-toe pattern? If O's win it's a girl, if X's win, it's a boy?(I know you can't tell that early, but man wouldn't that be cool.

This was a long time coming. We had been "trying" for a couple of months. I put "trying" in quotes, because we weren't trying extremely hard like some hardcore parents will do. You know, monitor temperatures, only do certain positions during certain times of day during high tide and full moons, people like that. We were just kind of letting it happen the way Jesus saw fit. I won't say I wasn't disappointing when each month passed and the slate was wiped cleaned though.

This Father's Day at our church, Mars Hill in Bellevue, there was a baby dedication. About six or seven families lined up on the stage, and the fathers read a verse from the Bible, as they dedicated their babies to Jesus. It was the moment I realized how badly I wanted to be one of those fathers up on stage, holding my newborn child, and publicly thanking Jesus for the gift he blessed us with. As they prayed over the families, I prayed to Jesus, telling him how I wanted to be a father, as He is a father to me. How I want to raise a child in His name, and take part in the joy that is parenting.

A few days later, a prayer would be answered. I love Jesus deeply, and I love his sense of humor, and timing. If you don't believe Jesus has a sense of humor, then you don't know him very well, or you haven't been to Wal-Mart lately. I say he has a sense of humor, because of the timing in which he blessed us. I wanted to avoid a March baby. Seriously, there are too many birthdays in the first 3 months of the year. My birthday is the end of February(my Dad's is in the middle of the month). March... ugh, don't get me started on March. Tracy's sister, Jodi, didn't want to stagger her children out, so decided she wanted a big March Madness birthday bash, so all three of he lovely children have March birthdays(all two years apart from the next). Tracy's brother Jeremy had his son in early April. So seriously, I wanted a summer or fall baby. Heck, even a winter baby, anything other than March. Jesus, on the other hand, had other plans. Tracy wanted a March baby, so it would work well with her school year and summer vacation. What the woman wants, the woman gets. Next year is a Leap Year though. Here's hoping our due date of March 2nd sticks, and our baby doesn't decide to come out 2 days early.

In the end, it doesn't matter when our baby is born. I'm the most excited I've been in a long time. The intense increase of bonding with my wife is amazing. It's a high that isn't going to go away soon. I love my wife with all my heart, and now we have taken a huge step together. The next nine months is going to shape and define the rest of our lives together, and I couldn't have asked for anything better.